Saturday, November 3, 2012

Confusion and Frustration

I am always a positive person! It's not hard, I have an amazing life, great kids, great friends and a phenomenal wife. I love love love my job and I put my heart and soul into it. What confuses me is people who want more out of me.
I have a client, a family, who has made some demands of my dayhome, which I tried to accommodate, no driving in the winter, we go out on days their child is not here; the child eats ichiban noodles and breads and alphagetties, it is not what I serve, I asked if they want the child to eat this way to please provide; I take the kids swimming; they wanted one on one, I changed days so the child is 'safe'.

What frustrates me, I have always explained what my dayhome is like. We like to be out in the community, we like to go to Galleries, Rec Centre, even Costco. We have playdates and make incredible crafts and celebrate every day. We dance and bake and laugh. We have so much fun. Most my parents love me and what I do. I hear weekly the appreciation, and it feels great.

Yesterday a parent informed me that I am a 'contracted worker' and will only be paid when the child is here. (I have monthly rates).  I was told that the child's mother has issues with winter driving, food ( trust me when I say we eat healthy and offer so many options). He told me that I offer the most personal care and unbelievable care, but he wants more. Or maybe not more but I am less than... I feel so devalued.

I shouldn't care, but I do!

He has told me how I am not entitled to be paid, how he will let me know the days his child will be here, how it will be.

I am really easy going. I have one little person who stays late some days, stuff is happening and I love being able to be there for the family. Never once did it ever cross my mind to expect more pay, as a matter of fact, I would be insulted.

Spending the day with children to me is a huge commitment. I need to be available to love, teach, guide, grow, nurture and provide stimulation all the time. I carry each little heart and mind carefully and love what I do.

Trust me, I get the huge hugs and the loving laughter. I receive so much from the kids, I love every day. I miss them when they leave, but am so proud when I see these kids later and am always met with big hugs and stories about school, sports and so much more.

So what happens now? I let them know this relationship will no longer continue. He actually said to me , "what would happen if we want to continue?" At  the time I was just shocked by everything but my response is,

I will wrap the child up in my arms with a huge hug and say hello!

So I wonder why I am frustrated? I guess because the kid pays the price. He said, " what the F am I going to do now?". Good luck unkind sir, it will be hard to find the place you desire.

I think I am done venting and maybe I was also a little sad.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Sometimes you have to fire a customer. You offer a service you are rightfully proud of. He is looking for something else. As a human being with self respect and a business person, you can set the terms upon which you will engage in commerce.

This father has a different idea of the relationship. He thinks you are a "contracted worker", a kind of inferior grade of employee, suitable for exploitation. You are not a "contracted worker". You are an independent business from which he either buys a service or does not.

This is how free enterprise is supposed to work: you specify your terms, and he can take them, leave them, or try to negotiate something mutually agreeable. if you can't find something mutually agreeable, you decide not to do business together and move on. If either of you is unrealistic, that person will eventually find out.

Stick to your guns. I'm sure the child at the centre of this loves you, and will influence the (slow) decision making process at their end.

Kathy said...

Thanks so much Dave, I used some of your works in my dismissal of contract!
Your support and everyones support on FB means so much!
Thanks

Kathy said...


Nicola Mills Verbeek Just remember, you can bend over backwards for some people and they will just never see it as enough. IT is not you that is lacking but usually something else and you are the person they are directing it at. Keep being the wonderful person you are and know thta people come into our life to teach us new lessons to help us grow. Not all of the lessons are fun ones but all help us move forward. Hugs to you
18 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 4

Kath Oltsher you do what you can, and there are some things you can't...that is okay and when you know yourself and have healthy limits that help keep you from being limited in ways that you don't like then BRAVO!
17 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 2

Karen Osburn Kathy-YOU, you amazing woman, should not compromise your principles. Don't ever feel you need to. There will always be people in the world who do not appreciate you, understand you, or value you. I've experienced this many times in my life. However, do NOT waiver on what you know to be right and true. This experience should not make you feel bad about you, or your decisions in this matter. Perhaps it was a life lesson on standing your ground, and doing what is right, and more so in this case, right for the child. I'm sorry to see this wonderful little person leave your day home, but you did the right thing. We love and appreciate you soooo much, and don't ever think for a second that you aren't doing amazing work in help our family and others to raise our kids. It takes a village, and we are so fortunate, blessed and grateful that you are a part of that in our boy Tyson's life:)
17 hours ago · Unlike · 2

Lorie McQuaig Loewen Oh Kathy you just sometimes won't please everyone! Sad to say but our world has become full of entitlement and self indulgence this is one of those times you must listen to those who love and support you and not focus on the negative people that are trying to be-little you. God has blessed you with gifts don't stop bringing them to the world just because of one persons words and expectations...if you don't bring them they won't be brought and that would be a travesty!
15 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 2

Beth Forsyth I think the title of your blog says it all "Life Learning" Kathy you are a loving giving person who is so eager to please... maybe this life lesson isn't about pleasing maybe it is about setting boundaries... ones that keep you happy and your home safe from people like him. It is your business and you are allowed to say "this is how we do it here!" Good Luck you deserve to be treated better!!
15 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 1

Dawn Taylor I loved it when my kids were with you. Knew they were safe, loved and having a blast!
15 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Mary-Frances Smith I agree with Beth. You do everything you can for your kids. Maybe this one is about you, who is just as important in this relationship
14 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1

Kathy said...

Bridget McLean I hate that this Dad felt like he owned you & your time! He wasn't looking to negotiate he was wanting to tell you how it was going to happen & then for him to say 'what the f... am I going to do now?'
Glad you are done with him for your sake, no-one I have ever met has shown such unconditional love for children that are are not her own quite like you!
14 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1

Ed Osburn We call this the "Doorman Principle". You have a standard (a Doorman) that allows people into you life based on the guidelines that you have provided. These folks should probably never got through the door. I used to feel very similar in practice, that...See More
13 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 2

Natalie Olson First- you are wonderful and were an angel sent from heaven when I was in such desperation. Dn I always knew that my children were the luckiest in town to be spending the day with you and your kids! Second - this is your business and maybe you need t...See More
12 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Natalie Olson I was going to add in there that you shouldn't take the disrespect personally (I know it's hard not to) but keep your chin up and don't be discouraged. Tomorrow's a new day, but don't forget - you get to call the shots!
12 hours ago · Like

Kathy Kegler McCallum Thanks so much everyone! I love all my little people! Every single word written fills my heart~ <3