Saturday, November 24, 2012

10 things...

10 things you did not know about me...

1. I grew up in the child welfare system

2. I lived in a convent as a kid and LOVED it

3. I cry at all baptisms, even though I am not sure where I stand on the God stuff

4. I am terrified of birds

5. I struggle every day with my children getting older, I miss the younger years A LOT

6. I tell Amanda everything!

7. I peek at all presents, even if they are not for me

8. I desperately want to go work in an orphanage for a while

9. I love boobs, my boobs, others, I do. When guys say, " If I had boobs, I would touch them all the time, I don't touch them all the time, but I like them"

10. Sometimes I wish I would keep more things to myself...

My Life Right Now

Simple point terms

-My son, Tim, just got married at 22 in the Dominican to a beautiful amazing woman....I love her

-My son that just got married is often a jerk to me...I still love him

-Jake is 6'3 and 17, in grade 12 and doing pretty good academically which is not the most important part of school for me, he is having a great time and dating a girl, kind of cute as he is very unexperienced in dating, or talking to girls

-Tatyanah made A in ringette and has the most amazing coaches, she is doing fabulous in school and such a great kid, she can be moody sometimes but she is incredible

-I have been married to the love of my life for 5 1/2 months and I still get butterflies everyday from her, she is so beautiful, her humour is crazy, her heart is HUGE and she keeps me grounded, she is fabulous

-I love my 4 pets; Gia, the moody cat who hates all animals but snuggles like a baby, Lola, the shy cat who is kind and gentle all the time but does not snuggle except me and once in a blue moon Amanda, Charlie our crazy rat terrier that is completely in love with any toy but so smart and fun and Idgie, our Bichon/lab cross who is 4 months and chews everything, eats poop, flops her growing body everywhere and is the most lovable creature ever.

- I love my dayhome, it is what I love to do most, I have the best job for me, it is full of laughter and love every day. I have a blog for my dayhome, you can check it out if you want..

- I have the greatest friends that make me smile every day. I always have different people to do things with and always someone to talk to.  My friends are the most kind, open, loving, crazy people. We always have a great time together.

- I am always happy, I feel sad or tired at times but very seldom. I love life,

- I love paddleboarding, so much fun.

-My life is not perfect but it is the perfect life for me.

- I miss some people in my life lots sometimes.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Sunday, November 4, 2012

There was this little boy....

There was this little boy, he stole my heart. 

My sweet baby boy Timothy. I can't help but think of him as his sweet little person. He was the best baby, totddler and child. He was an easy teenager, until he was 16 and it was time to let him go be his own person. 

He could always do anything, everything really, with ease and perfection. Nothing was a struggle for him, he was a natural at most things, except math, he didn't like it but he did great in it.

In this picture, we came to visit Canada and he went to the skatepark, broke his wrist and got himself to the hospital. He didn't have his cell phone, so some random guy drove him there. He checked himself in and had someone call.

He was so calm and did great.

He was starting to be his own person by then.

He always was his own person.

He could fly!

He did everything he wanted. He decided to do Urban Gymnastics and I would find him flying between buildings, flipping off structures and running up walls. 

He graduated early, he just turned 16 a week prior. And had already attended college.

He was always that kind of guy.

He is my heartbeat, he is my boy and now in a few weeks he will be Kassia's husband.
That sounds so strange to me. 

I love her, she is fabulous. 

I love this boy, he will always be my boy. She ca have him as a man, he is hers. But he will always be my boy. I never thought this would feel so strange. I am so happy for them. This sweet boy who everyone has always loved is now getting married and I love him so.

There was a little boy...who stole his mama's heart.....and still dances in her soul...
that has grown to be a strong beautiful man..

My Timothy

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Confusion and Frustration

I am always a positive person! It's not hard, I have an amazing life, great kids, great friends and a phenomenal wife. I love love love my job and I put my heart and soul into it. What confuses me is people who want more out of me.
I have a client, a family, who has made some demands of my dayhome, which I tried to accommodate, no driving in the winter, we go out on days their child is not here; the child eats ichiban noodles and breads and alphagetties, it is not what I serve, I asked if they want the child to eat this way to please provide; I take the kids swimming; they wanted one on one, I changed days so the child is 'safe'.

What frustrates me, I have always explained what my dayhome is like. We like to be out in the community, we like to go to Galleries, Rec Centre, even Costco. We have playdates and make incredible crafts and celebrate every day. We dance and bake and laugh. We have so much fun. Most my parents love me and what I do. I hear weekly the appreciation, and it feels great.

Yesterday a parent informed me that I am a 'contracted worker' and will only be paid when the child is here. (I have monthly rates).  I was told that the child's mother has issues with winter driving, food ( trust me when I say we eat healthy and offer so many options). He told me that I offer the most personal care and unbelievable care, but he wants more. Or maybe not more but I am less than... I feel so devalued.

I shouldn't care, but I do!

He has told me how I am not entitled to be paid, how he will let me know the days his child will be here, how it will be.

I am really easy going. I have one little person who stays late some days, stuff is happening and I love being able to be there for the family. Never once did it ever cross my mind to expect more pay, as a matter of fact, I would be insulted.

Spending the day with children to me is a huge commitment. I need to be available to love, teach, guide, grow, nurture and provide stimulation all the time. I carry each little heart and mind carefully and love what I do.

Trust me, I get the huge hugs and the loving laughter. I receive so much from the kids, I love every day. I miss them when they leave, but am so proud when I see these kids later and am always met with big hugs and stories about school, sports and so much more.

So what happens now? I let them know this relationship will no longer continue. He actually said to me , "what would happen if we want to continue?" At  the time I was just shocked by everything but my response is,

I will wrap the child up in my arms with a huge hug and say hello!

So I wonder why I am frustrated? I guess because the kid pays the price. He said, " what the F am I going to do now?". Good luck unkind sir, it will be hard to find the place you desire.

I think I am done venting and maybe I was also a little sad.